"Researchers at the Brookings Institution, in one of their frequent studies of education policy, compared students’ assessments of their abilities in math with their scores on a standardized test. Nearly forty per cent of American eighth graders agreed “a lot” with the statement “I usually do well in mathematics,” even though only seven per cent of American students actually got enough correct answers on the test to qualify as advanced. Among Singaporean students, eighteen per cent said they usually did well in math; forty-four per cent qualified as advanced. As the Brookings researchers pointed out, even the least self-confident Singaporean students, on average, outscored the most self-confident Americans."
So, although American kids are on average, scholastically-speaking, pretty dumb (the ranking in other disciplines wasn't great either), they sure feel great about themselves!
Is there a difference between a healthy self-esteem and a damagingly false sense of self? How do you raise children with one and without the other?
Read "The Invisible Gorilla" it deals with this exact problem
ReplyDeleteHonesty. Be honest with yourself about yourself and your own abilities and shortcomings and be honest with your kids. Share with them your successes and failures, your frustrations and they will see how a healthy person deals with the desire to be "good" at life and the frustration that comes from the fact that no one can be perfect. But take my comment with a grain of salt because I don't have any kids.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is struggling in preschool because she's short. Out of 33 kids, she's the smallest. Naturally, the kids all call her the baby. When they play house - she's the baby. She's been measuring herself against other kids and, although never taller than them, proclaiming herself "yoter bigger."
ReplyDeleteWe've been trying to give her tasks to make her feel independent and capable, but at the same time, we never agree with her assessment of her height. We don't want to encourage a false sense of self, and although I agree with Yael about honesty, I wouldn't take her to the mirror and say "look, you're short, deal with it." She's too young to get complex and philosophical with...but we hope our method will prove itself :)
Self-esteem is subjective to the self. It isn’t dependant on variables of comparisons. In fact, if it were to be rated according to capabilities, intellect or charm, very few people would be deserving of their self-confidence. Fortunately, self-esteem is defined by the perception of one’s self worth. It is what determines the strength of an individual in his eyes, what will allow the person to accomplish wonders and fulfills their potential.
ReplyDeleteBy definition, self-esteem cannot be considered to be true or false since it isn’t a measuring instrument. It can only decrease to increase one’s well-being thereby influencing their achievements. A brilliant individual whose self-esteem is very low or inexistent may very well be less successful than your average person who believes in himself. I would say self esteem is more a measure of success then of intelligence.
An inflated self-esteem may be damaging if arrogance comes along. Part of believing in yourself implies believing in your capacity to learn or to adapt. We all know this world doesn’t lack of material to feed our thoughts, intellect and imagination.
I will want my child to recognize, appreciate and understand his potential and talents while keeping a mind open to learn what other may have to teach.
An avid blog reader, I chose to comment because too often have I encountered people who aren’t aware of their self worth because they may not excel in a certain area and vice versa.