Okay, it should be. But there's an added benefit for people who partake in charitable efforts, one known by every member of your local Rotary club, your local hospital support group, or your local Habitat for Humanity chapter. And that benefit is...networking! People make fantastic business contacts that advance their careers immeasurably at these charities! One might ask, if that's the case, why not just attend a networking function solely dedicated to networking? Answer...because only the losers show up to these. The networking isn't the secret, underlying reason why successful businessmen join Rotary. They join to do charity. But then, when one member is looking for a Realtor, you can bet that he will think of that wonderful lady, Patricia, whom he sat with on the fund-raising committee. And guess what, he knows her REALLY well! From working together with this Realtor while both of them focused on something else, outside of themselves, namely charity, they were given the opportunity to observe and truly get to know each other. Actions speak louder than words, and working next to someone, especially on a charitable project, lets you get to know someone far better than if you met at a networking event and conversed for an hour. So of course it makes sense that the inevitable outcome of organizations such as Rotary is business connections.
Now let's talk shidduchim. This is a really straightforward analogy. The networking events that all the losers show up to are...drumroll please...networking events that all the losers show up to! You know what I mean, shabbatons, speed-dating, etc. And the charities are...well, charities, but as of now they're non-existent, at least in PNN's city. The local charities don't attract young singles from the community, and if they do, they go to almost desperate lengths to keep the genders separated.
So here is Revamp the Shidduch System #2: Local charities should establish a "Young Singles Committee" to oversee one area of charity operations. This should be staffed entirely by young singles, who should be ruthlessly recruited, and overseen by an advisory member. Give people a chance to get to know each other by working together in a kosher environment where chessed is the end goal. Can you think of a more marriage conducive environment? I can't. Let singles get to know each other without the awkwardness of being in a contrived networking situation, and stand a chance at attracting quality singles who wouldn't be caught dead speed-dating all those losers.
really a good idea..but again no one in yeshivish/BY circles would do such a thing..
ReplyDeletea) they have been taught that it is completely inappropriate
b) if anyone found out it would ironically be "bad for shiduchim"
Ummm, that's EXACTLY how it happened in the 40s, 50s and 60s (and probably the 70s too). Except it wasn't necessarily "rigidly overseen" by senior members of the community. Organizations were created by the young singles, populated by the young singles, events planned and put together by the young singles, etc, etc, etc . . . Ask around, you'll find dozens of people you know from a generation or two ago who met and married that way. But, again, because "they have been taught that it's completely inappropriate" . . . it ain't gonna happen again. You've got communities where Tomchei Shabbos has separate hours and even DAYS for men and women to help out . . . Sorry, but the shidduch system doesn't seem to believe in the traditions of our forefathers.
ReplyDeleteI agree in principle that singles should be more involved in chesed-type activities, and that these activities are an excellent place to meet others in addition to "doing good." I object, however, to your calling those who attend what you call networking sessions as losers.
ReplyDeleteRight now in the frummie community all that is available to singles for meeting strangers is shabbatonim and speed dating etc.. The participants may be losing out on a possibly better way of meeting but they, themselves, are not losers in the sense the word is used today and that you seem to be using it. They are taking advantage of the only places that exist for them right now to meet others--not the definition of a loser.
Should there be other ways for singles to meet? Absolutely! But let's not be so quick to characterize those who are using the right now acceptable ways as losers--way too negative a connotation to that word.
@ProfK: You're of course right. I intended my usage of "losers" facetiously, echoing the prevailing attitude towards such events, but I agree with you completely that people who pursue every possible means of hishtadlus in this area are behaving in a proper manner and are in no way losers...a sentiment most of my pieces express.
ReplyDelete