I should probably begin by saying that if my mother were ever to see this title she would have a conniption. Come to think of it, she’d probably be mortified if she knew I had a blog. My friends and family as a whole would also probably be pretty shocked by this title. But, read on and draw your own conclusions.This is a post that I should have written a while ago, but one thing led to another and I ended up pushing it off until Am I A Frum Feminist (Check it out!) reminded me that I was advertising for all the world to see that I am Orthodox, rigidly halachic, and yet not frum, without any form of explanation. I owe the idea for the title to her latest post Why Am I Still Frum?, although, to be clear, we’re not disagreeing. So here is my explanation.
The first reason that I don’t identify myself as frum is a simple matter of definition. Orthodox has a fairly straight forward meaning. It is derived from the Greek word orthodoxos which means "having the right opinion" (from orthos ("right", "true") + doxa ("opinion"). According to this, I am not only Orthodox with regards to my Judaism, but Orthodox in all respects, including my views on true humility. However, regarding my Judaism, I think most would agree this refers to believing in Rambam’s Sheloshah-Asar Ikkarei Emunah (13 Principles of Faith). Rigidly halachic is also fairly easily understood. It means that I keep halachah to the best of my ability. And I don’t use that phrase in the sense that Karl Marx used it (“From each according to his ability”, which invariably leads to no one truly contributing according to his ability.), I honestly mean to the absolute best of my ability. Are there areas with which I struggle? Obviously…as there are for everyone, but when it comes down to it, I keep halachah.
To adopt a gemara phrase, tzrichah, it was necessary to write both “Orthodox” and “Halachic” as I know individuals, and I’m sure you do too, who are Orthodox but not currently halachic, and some who are halachic but not Orthodox. And those categories are deserving of a post themselves, but back to the gist of the matter.
The term “frum” is not so easily understood. Technically speaking, it derives from the German “fromm” meaning devout/pious. But, in common usage it seems to refer to a quality above and beyond that of Orthodoxy or halachic adherence. Having searched the shulchan aruch and the gemara, I feel fairly confident in saying that the term appears in neither, nor, to the best of my knowledge, is it defined in any work belonging to the Rishonim. What this means, is that it is a word lacking a clear definition that has become a tool used to slander people who are both Orthodox and halachic. Now, fine, upstanding Jews who are Orthodox and halachic can be pejoratively labeled as not frum because they do not subscribe to the latest meshugas, whether that be the Indian sheitel crisis or the New York drinking water scare. So, simply speaking, I refuse to identify myself by an indefinable term. From Migdal Bavel (The Tower of Babel) to George Orwell’s 1984, the power of words and common definitions has always stood at the root of a functional society, and to ignore breaches is both foolish and dangerous. John Milton predicted, "When language in common use in any country becomes irregular and depraved, it is followed by their ruin and degradation." The same holds true for a religion and society.
The second reason that I don’t identify myself as frum is that I believe that authentic Torah Judaism has been replaced by a vague and ephemeral fashion, namely frumkeit. I could write whole tomes on the subject of how frumkeit differs from authentic Torah Judaism, but this post is already reaching a dangerous length, so I will identify only one point of difference.
As explained at length by Rav Hirsch among others, authentic Torah Judaism encourages active involvement in the world. Hebrew uses the same shoresh (root) for the word “holy” (kodesh) as it does for words referring to our relationship with women and wine (kedeishah/kiddushin and Kiddush). The message is that unlike Christians, we do not flee from physicality and involvement in all aspects of the world, rather we are mikadesh the world, elevating it. The holy man of Torah is one who relates to the whole world passionately in a holy way. Not one who does not relate to it the world all.
Compare the "Mainstream" vision of the yeshiva bochur with that of the Torah. Yakov is the Tora's yeshiva bochur-the ish tam yosheiv ohalim, sitting in the beis midrash, a masmid and a yarei shamayim. But look at Yakov's other abilities. He defeats his more worldly brother reclaiming the birthright that should have been his. Executes and enforces a brilliant and binding contract with wicked uncle Lavan and becomes wealthy. Wrestles with an angel (he must have worked out at a health club!) and negotiates a peace with Eisav. If there is one underlying theme of Yakov's life, it is the ability to handle any situation by challenging it on its own terms and subduing it until it conforms to a Torah blueprint. He meets Eisav on the level of politics, diplomacy and warfare. Lavan on the business level, the peasant shepherds with sheer physical strength and courage, Pharoah with dignity and wisdom. Each time he displays competence and produces a kiddush hashem. This is why he is the first to bear the name Yisrael. Because he could grapple with human situations and with Godly situations and emerge victorious. You will probably agree with me that the picture of the mainstream yeshiva bochur you envisaged at the beginning of this paragraph doesn't quite match up to Yakov.
We in the "frum" world take the general bumbling incompetence, the affectation of complete ignorance of the secular world as a mark of a Tzaddik. That's not a tzaddik--it's a "wimp"! Can you see many of our so called yeshivishe people walking into the Chicago Mercantile Exchange without making total fools of themselves. Yakov avinu could have, and he is the Torah's paradigm of the yeshiva bochur. Can you see a yeshiva guy take on a few New York street hoodlums? Yakov could. Could a rosh yeshiva emerge a millionaire from a transaction with a Wall Street tycoon? Yakov did. We have absorbed a non-Jewish image of a Tzaddik. We can no longer tell the difference between a tzaddik and a "wimp".
To personalize this, I am kovea itim every day and daven with a minyan three times a day. To be honest, with the demands of medical school and running a small business this is not always easy. However, I will admit that several days a week I show up to minyan wearing jeans and riding a motorcycle. I'm an avid fan of country music and the opera, I do not wear a black hat, and I work out daily. In much of the frum world’s opinion, this is enough to classify me as frei (not frum). I hope you will agree with me that this is insanity. What relevance should my mode of conveyance, style of trousers, music choices, headgear, or physical fitness have on my status in the Jewish community? But this mindset is precisely what frumkeit and the usage of the poorly defined “frum” encourage and enable.
Rav Amital, of Gush, recounted that his grandmother would say that frum stood for fiel rishus uveinig mitzvos, full of evil and few mitzvos…I think this is a bit extreme, but really lament that it’s no longer good enough to just be a God-fearing, Orthodox Jew who is shomer torah u’mitzvos.
So true. The background that I come from happens to encourage going out and dealing with the world to change it and make it better. With regards to things like working out. I come from one of the "better" yeshiva's in my circles, and our rosh yeshiva always encouraged working out. He always said that we have to in order to be healthy so that we can learn and serve hashem better!
ReplyDeleteHowever the idea that the concept of "being frum" has been confused is really true. You see it clearly when it comes to something like shidduchim. A guy that leaves yeshiva early, but is koveai itim, davens three times a day, is a baal midos etc. is looked at as "not frum" a "frei out" etc. On the other hand a guy who sits in yeshiva and wastes time, he is suddenly "frum".
I completely agree with you, and it's a huge problem in our circles. It is something that I touched on in http://lifeonacottonball.blogspot.com/2010/12/denim-vs-jeans.htm
Where I come from, "frum" means observant. Your explanation is very helpful, but without reading it, I find your tagline quite misleading.
ReplyDeleteI read this in a Rabbi Haber dvar Torah - when Yaakov lay dying, Yosef and his sons sped to his bedside, and Yaakov said, "Who are they?" Query: why couldn't Yaakov recognize his grandsons? Because usually, they would come home from work and change from the Egyptian work attire to their Hebrew garb. But they had come straight from the office, so they didn't have a chance to change and so Yaakov's confusion. They went out into the world, dressed like the outsiders, but were in no danger of being "drawn away."
ReplyDeleteI think of myself as an observant or religious Jew. Not Orthodox, because Orthodox was only applied to religious Jews when Reform came around.
As for frum, it is a vague enough term with a different meaning to every person. I think of frum as being truly religious, living life as one who believes in God. There are many who, perhaps, look it, but I don't think of them as frum.
Many people simply do not want to be different from anyone else, and think of religion strictly in the current cultural terms. There are those with principles who will not indulge in any hypocrisy, and will focus on the halacha. I happen to come from a family like that, and I am happy that I do.
Although, the motorcycle will still raise some eyebrows . . . at least get that bike jacket that will act like an airbag. It may still be a prototype.
Great post!
ReplyDeleteshaitzeleho think that was the point..to have a controversial title so you will want to read it...
frum is such an overused word and depending on the circles can mean different things..
shatzileh: Welcome to PNN, as aminspiration mentioned, I generally do encourage my readers to read beyond the title. In fact, that's why I spend time writing content instead of just coming up with snappy titles, although that could be a fun blog too.
ReplyDeleteDear PNN,
ReplyDeleteGlad to see a fellow med student blogging. I have experienced much of what you are talking about with appearances leading to false assumptions from another direction. Although I am not strictly observant (I call myself Conservadox) I daven and learn at a frum shul near me in Atlanta. Numerous members of the shul in the belief that I am observant make comments of the worst Lashon hara concerning Jews who are not observant or less observant. It often seems that the outer appearances of our "Orthodox" culture are far more important, than a persons middos or actions.
I think it would be tremendously helpful if more of us focused on the vision that the more mitzvos people perform the better, and those mitzvos that people are not currently performing don't need to be the subject of constant negative comments.
Also interesting that Yaakov Avinu was punished for trying to learn exclusively and avoid the challenges (Rashi on Veyeishev).
ReplyDeleteYou raised some interesting and provocative points here. I have long been bothered by the fact that, in many circles, "frum" is defined in such a rigidly narrow sense "black-hat-jacket-yeshivish", machmir (in ritual areas)-- with almost NO emphasis on basic mentchlichkeit or even explicit halachot bein adam l'chaveiro- that I am almost tempted sometimes (during my darker moments) to think of "Frum" as a synonym for "naval b'r'shut hatorah
ReplyDelete" Can you see many of our so called yeshivishe people walking into the Chicago Mercantile Exchange without making total fools of themselves. Yakov avinu could have, and he is the Torah's paradigm of the yeshiva bochur."
ReplyDeleteWhat are you talking about? In the days when there was open outcry & you had a membership and margin at a clearing house, you could have walked in to any pit wearing a Mickey Mouse custom,and traded up a storm, provided you stood behind your word...when you sold 50 you didn't come back the next day and say it was 5. As for Yaakov Avinu, depends how you read the narratives. He was a bit of a trickster.
There were frum guys on the Board of Trade and also the Merc, and they were known as such. Of those many were thought to be rock solid and the best of men.Today there are frum guys all over Wall Street, the hedge funds and banking.
This entire dichotomy of wimp and macho is in your head. Not everyone is either Michael Douglas or Rabbi Balkany.
I,too, lament the endangered ehrlich, shomer Torah u'mitzvos Jew. I expect to find myself under glass any day now with visitors taking photos of me after they've paid their admission fee.
ReplyDeleteI look to David HaMelech as my favorite Torah personality (note: not character) because of His wisdom, self-control, and acceptance of God's will at the most difficult times. Dare I confess to have Tim McGraw, Keith Urban, Toby Keith and other CMA winners on my iPod?
Very interesting post. You definitely answered my question about what you mean by not being frum.
ReplyDeleteI stick to the basic "frum" definition on my blog without going too into detail, but you're right: in truth, we really do agree.
@Aseh Tov: Why the stress on personality versus character? Sounds like you have more to say on the subject. :)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, in my opinion, the "frum" world has become more focused on the outside than the inside of a person. Its about looking and acting the part, not necessarily feeling it. I could really write a megillah on this topic and on all the points that you brought up and I think you are saying very similar things to what the Rav (Soloveitchik) believed Torah Umadah should be. Rav Hirsch, to name a more "modern" (1800's) rav or Sforno or Ramchal believed in this balance (with the focus and end goal being Torah).
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand I hear the "slippery slope" and "fear" argument that more to the right people give. The more doors you open, the greater the chance that will people will leave. Rabbi JJ Schachter (YU) said in a class that this is the challenge of poskei halacha, this balance between expanding halacha to adjust to the changes in society but at the same time not loosing what makes us Jews. (Its like holding on to sand, if you squeeze too tight or if you open your hand too wide, the sand will come out)
I totally agree with you that there is a lot of shtick and unfortunately we have the habit of judging people by putting on them a label. One of my rabbeim said so wisely, "marry a person, not a label".
I think this all stems from education (this is a theme you'll see in my blog if you do check it out). I hope to BS"D one day change the Jewish education system even though like my mom says (albeit in Spanish) "education begins at home".
p.s. Rambam would agree on working out everyday, hence I believe a healthy diet and exercise are essential considering that our body is the greatest tool that we have and need in order to fulfill our mission on this world.
I agree with those who said your statement is misleading. I have always understood the term frum to mean "sabbath observer" and so if you keep all the halachos you are frum. It is that simple. And yes, sometimes frum people struggle with some of the halachos, and do not keep everything as they should (loshon hora, tznius, etc.) but as long as they keep shabbos completely they are still frum.
ReplyDeletePrimum Non Nocere,
ReplyDeleteI really admire the dedication you put into your life. And your tremendous success with it.
As if making time to daven 3x a day and learning torah isn't enough, you work out consistently. And on top of your physical and spiritual needs, you are in medical school -with classes and studying and (presumably at some point) seeing patients. And you run a small business. Oh, and you have other interests you pursue too. Plus a blog.
Admiration. Lots of it.
In what society is 'frum' defined as you define in this post? In my world (Orthodox, halacha-observant, not NYC), your definition of 'frum' is our definition of 'yeshivish' and your definition of yourself is our definition of 'frum.'
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking that. In college I was referred to as the "frummie" yet I've been called a bum because I wear jeans, despite basing my entire schedule, everyday, around going to minyan. Ah, but it's the jeans that make me a bum?
Delete