Quotables

"The sooner the Jews farm it all, the better; their colonies are bright spots in a desert."

T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia) while traveling through Palestine in 1909.  Coming from such a strong enthusiast of the Arab cause this is quite a remarkable statement.

The Shepherd Conundrum

T.E. Lawrence and Marcus Luttrell

Recently, while reading Michael Korda's spellbinding biography of T.E. Lawrence (a.k.a. Lawrence of Arabia), entitled Hero, I came across a fascinating episode. Taking place during WWI, Lawrence leads his band of Arab warriors on a secret march across a brutal stretch of desert to attack the Turkish stronghold of Aqaba, near Eilat. Lawrence goes to great lengths to conceal his whereabouts from the Turks, who have only defended Aqaba from a seaward attack, assuming it impossible for any military force to cross the desert guarding their backs. All is going well until Lawrence and his men stumble across a young cowherd. This posed a serious predicament. They couldn't turn him loose as he would alert the Turks to their presence, tying him up in the desert would be a certain death sentence, and it seemed unfair to Lawrence to kill him just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The solution that they finally arrived upon was to strip him of his clothes and cut him across the soles of his feet with a dagger, preventing him from walking. The cowherd would now have to crawl on hands and knees to get home, a trip that would take two days, enough time for Lawrence's men to be long gone by the time the alarm went up, and his wounds would eventually heal. It seems fairly clear though, that had Lawrence not arrived at this option, he would have sooner killed the cowherd than released him and compromised the lives of his men.

This story fascinated me because a similar incident occurred in Afghanistan in June, 2005. Marcus Luttrell and his three fellow Navy SEALs, comprising a four man special reconnaissance team, were tasked with capturing or killing a high ranking Taliban associated with Osama bin Laden. While crawling through steep, mountainous terrain, avoiding enemy forces in the area, the team stumbled upon three Afghan shepherds, including a boy. At this point the team conferred. They had no means of radioing for backup or for extraction. If they released the shepherds they knew with absolute certainty that the Taliban would be alerted to their presence and they would be hunted down by overwhelming enemy forces. If they killed the shepherds, they would survive but would be tried as war criminals. The team voted and by a majority of one vote they released the prisoners and started running. Marcus' book, Lone Survivor, details how they were subsequently hunted down by the Taliban, and though they put up a brave fight (earning a posthumous Medal of Honor and killing scores of Taliban) all but one of them were killed. A rescue chopper that attempted to come to their aid was also shot down, resulting in the deaths of all sixteen men on board.

Two similar situations, incredibly difficult ones, separated by 88 years and 2,000 miles, one ends happily (at least for the Allied Powers), the other ends tragically. Is this a case of inappropriate compassion, as chazal say "Kol hameracheim al achzorim, sofo sheyisachzeir al rachmonim”? Who do you think reacted correctly in this situation?

Reverse Age Gap

In general, in the marriages that I know of, the husband is usually a few years older than the wife. Granted, we're all aware of exceptions to this rule, but by and large this seems to be the case. Reasons for this vary, but include the additional length of time it takes for guys to become financially stable and the additional amount of time it takes for guys to mature. Once these guys reach that point, usually age 23-26, they start looking at the 19-21 year olds. I have to admit that I find the typical (yes, there are occasional exceptions) 19 year old that I get set up with to be about as dull as dishwater. They have limited life experience, very few original thoughts, and an immaturity bordering on the puerile. It's something of a relief when I get set up with someone slightly older who is capable of carrying on a conversation. But then there are the occasional suggestions where the girl is a year or two older than me. I have to admit an instinctive discomfort at these suggestions, but recently I've been reconsidering this.

People I've spoken to seem to have fairly strong views on the subject, one way or the other. I'm curious what my readers think about it. Guys, would/do you date older? Girls, would/do you date younger? Why? Why not?

The 25 Most Eligible Modern Orthodox Bachelors of 2011

It has been about a year since ShidduchDater graced us with one of his amusing posts, but he's back in fine form with this year's list of The 25 Most Eligible Modern Orthodox Bachelors. Ladies, go get 'em!

Well, it’s that time of year again! No, I’m not referring to the start of tax season or the opening days of the Yeshiva University seforim sale. Rather, it’s finally time for the release of the most anticipated list of the year: “The 25 Most Eligible Modern Orthodox Bachelors of 2011.” Since I didn’t have the time to release this list last year, I wanted to make sure I got the 2011 rankings out early for all those eagerly waiting meidluch who want to get this year’s shidduch dating season off to a running start. Since 2009, some top bachurim got married or have girlfriends, while others have slipped through the cracks and are still on the market. There are also some newcomers to this year’s list who have spent the past year and a half refining their middot and stepping up their game in order to earn a spot on this esteemed list.

Rather than describe what characteristics make up a quality bachur, as I did in my 2009 list, this year I will write a VERY brief description on how each bachur earned their way on to this list. In doing so I hope to give each meidel an idea of which bachur may be shayich for them. Let’s get started: Click here to read more.

City of the Strange or Ir Shel Chesed

When I first moved to the East Coast, I tried to get a handle on the various East Coast Jewish communities. There seemed to be stereotypes for every community ranging from Five Towns (that one was a real eye-opener) to Miami, but one of the ones that seemed the most peculiar to me was the description of Baltimore. You see, according to common wisdom, Baltimore produces real weirdos. This one puzzled me because while I can understand certain lifestyles and hashkafos producing certain types of people, which explained many of the stereotypes of other Jewish communities, I couldn't understand how it is that a city of varying hashkafos and lifestyles could consistently produce peculiar individuals. After spending some time in Baltimore, I was even more curious, as I found it to be a warm, welcoming community displaying levels of achdus that I hadn't seen in any other East Coast community. And yet...we've all bumped into those "Baltimore-types."

Fancying myself an armchair sociologist I came up with various theories for what might lie at the root of this phenomenon. Perhaps they were trying to walk the fine line between being "out-of-towners" and being "in-towners" without placing their feet firmly in either camp, resulting in the worst of both worlds? Perhaps there was something in the water? This perplexing question continued to trouble me until a friend's sister suggested a possible solution that I thought put a truly wonderful light on the Strange Case of the Baltimore Strangeness.

As I had noticed, Baltimore is a truly warm and welcoming community. For a community of its size, it has an unparalleled number of chesed organizations, true ba'alei chesed, and shuls and Rabbis that work together to a point beyond that which I've ever seen in any other community. Baltimore is also home to several world-renowned hospitals. Her theory was that people with troubles in their lives, who some might refer to as nebachs, are attracted to the support network available in the Baltimore Jewish Community. People with social issues are still invited to Shabbos meals, people with financial issues (who might not wear the latest fashions) are assisted in a manner truly befitting the title Tzedakah, and people with medical issues are given places to stay and rides to their appointments. So yes...the consensus seems to be that Baltimore does have more than its fair share of unusual people, but frankly from now on I will say that l'shvach and not l'gnai.

A Truly Great President

 

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, a tradition I've never really been able to get excited about.  Whether this is because I was raised in a culture that prefers rugby, or because I was raised to prefer playing sports and having fun myself rather than watching others play sports and have fun is up for debate.  But, today also happens to be the centennial of President Ronald Reagan's birth.  And that happens to be something I can get excited about.

This was a man of character, courage, humor and common sense.  A man who was directly responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union and for a period of tremendous economic vibrancy in the United States.  He also has some of the best quotes of any recent president.  Including his now famous quote, said during a sound-check prior to an NPR broadcast, "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes."

Recently, as covered in a Time magazine piece, Obama has started trying to model himself after Reagan.  Granted, they are both excellent communicators and skilled orators, but if you know anything about Reagan, you'll be quite clear that Obama is no Reagan. 

I have to close by recommending two biographies on RR, When Character Was King, by Peggy Noonan, and Dutch, by Edmund Morris, and by offering a toast (very appropriate for Adar and a "v'nahafochu" mentality) in honor of the greatest president of recent time, "Bottoms up!"

Thanks to The Professor for letting me know about this:

They Say That Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It's not just a great song by Neil Sedaka. Anyone who is "in the parsha" has experienced it.  After the first date or two, it's pretty painless and easy.  You call the shadchan and that's that.  But after a certain point, as much as you try to avoid it, emotions get involved on one or both sides, and you have to have "the talk."  Although it is ridiculous to think that we need to be a perfect match for everyone whom we date, nevertheless people tend to take it personally when you tell them that you don't see this leading to marriage.  Then there are the questions of proper protocol:

"Tell her by phone. No girl wants to be stuck out with a guy when he breaks up with her, and then have an awkward ride home."

"Tell her in person! Behave like a mensch."

"Tell her that you need to have a serious talk beforehand so she can start preparing herself."

"Don't say anything out of the ordinary. No need for her to suffer and try to interpret your message the whole day."

Is there a right way to do this?  A "least-painful" way?  What's it like from the girl's perspective when she ends it? Do they agonize over the best way to break the news also? Do they worry about the guy crying? 

I'm in need of information. Readers?